


Absence makes the heart grow fonder

by damagedpickle



Series: Prompt Fills [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Board Games, Friends to Lovers, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Panic Attacks, Prompt Fill, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24964090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damagedpickle/pseuds/damagedpickle
Summary: Prompt Fill for ChyaraAStark: I'd like to read a story with Loki and Tony being friends (but pinning for each other like the idiots they are) and suddenly Tony starts to spend less time with Loki. Loki thinks it is because of him, but Tony is avoiding him because he is having a lot of panic attacks or some kind of problem like that and doesn't wanna be seen by his friend and the guy he is in love with (also a God and a Prince, so no thanks) while he's being a useless human.After some time Loki discovers this and takes care of Tony and they confess their undying love for each other in, also, a stupid way.:))))So basically hurt/comfort, angst and a happy ending.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Prompt Fills [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802845
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	Absence makes the heart grow fonder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChyaraAStark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChyaraAStark/gifts).



> Another prompt fill, all feedback, constructive criticism or prompts welcome!

Pathetic. Absolutely _pathetic._

For the third time this week, Tony found himself cowering in the sanctuary of his lab. It had just been a text, just a simple message checking in, and he couldn't even handle that. _Pathetic._

He hadn't even needed to open the message; the mere chime had sent him into a downward spiral. Suddenly, his head was underwater, his body crushed in a frozen wasteland, his mind lost within the endless void of space. If only Loki could see him now.

Well, he supposed that was the entire point of stowing himself away in the lab, the cause of his reemerging insecurities and anxieties. What use did a King's advisor, a prince, a _god_ have for such a pitiful excuse for a supposed hero. Friendship, he had initially been able to understand; he saw so much of himself in the trickster, it was only natural for them to get along. But when _other_ feelings began to enter Tony's half of their relationship, he had fallen victim to his poorly suppressed feelings of inadequacy and mistrust. Every glance shared with the god set his heart racing in the least sexy of ways; all he could see was betrayal, rejection in the most brutal of ways. A knife in the back, _a shield in this chest-_ Tony raced to the shower, burning away the crawling guilt and suspicion tainting his skin. For the whirlwind in his head, the discarded bottle of scotch he found on his bedroom floor. 

He took a deep breath, and steeled himself. "J, how many messages do I have?" 

"You currently have 2,106 unread messages including text messages, emails and voicemails. However, there are only two from Mr Laufeyson, who I believe you are referring to."

Two messages. It was only two. And they were just texts, he could answer those, right? Surely his feeble, mortal brain could handle that? With another sip of liquid courage, he unlocked his phone and opened the messages app. 

_Stark, I would come visit you now, should it prove to be an acceptable time._

_Thor is insufferable, please respond hastily, before I am forced to free him the burden of his remaining eye._

Despite his distressed mood, Tony chuckled to himself. Before his mind could process it properly, his fingers were flying across the keypad. 

_Now would be entirely acceptable; besides, I'm sure New Asgard would prefer a King capable of sight._

"It is not a though they have not experienced it before. I myself found Odin's foresight rather lacking."

Tony jumped at the sudden, smooth, snarky voice- but also grinned like an idiot. He couldn't help himself and quickly enveloped the taller man in a tight embrace. To his relief, pale arms wrapped around him in return. "I have missed you too, Stark."

"Yeah, yeah, don't flatter yourself. I'm just doing this for Thor," he bit, but the smile still remained. "What has he done this time?"

The god sighed and shook his head wearily. "He is incapable of keeping his citizens under control, I have been forced to yet again explain that Asgard should not be claiming this realm for themselves, outside of the small crop of land we have been granted already. I do not believe it has gotten through their thick skulls, however."

"I can't understand why they refuse to listen to you, you're clearly the most intelligent person in the... state? I'm still not sure what to classify New Asgard as, by the way, but whatever it is you are by the smartest within it- almost the smartest on this realm, apart from mua." 

Energy flickered back into Loki's emerald eyes. "Now who is flattering himself?"

* * *

Loki's relief when Anthony had responded to his message was indescribable. Somehow, the peculiar little mortal had come to mean significantly more to him than any other had in his life, besides, perhaps, his mother. Most certainly, he was the one remaining person Loki felt he could put his trust in. Thor was simply too much a wild card, and there was no one else he would begin to hold even a shred of faith in- even the Valkyrie was yet to win his approval. There was something in the way Anthony had re-entered his life which had forged a connection between the pair he could not understand. It was the kind that could only be forged through shared experiences, those who had endured life's horrors and emerged alive. Anthony had taken one look at him and determined what most of New Asgard and Earth were still blissfully unaware of.

Loki didn't pose a threat to Earth. He never had. 

"So, which will it be Reindeer Games? Risk, or Monopoly? Both risky, granted, but I 'reckon we're not too far from that point."

Which point that was, Loki did not dare ask. If the answer was not as he hoped, as he deep down knew it would be, the companionship they enjoyed would be ruined. And it was so rarely he found true companions to enjoy company with. All too many had merely been after the favours of Asgard's second prince; namely, her _first_ prince. Whatever was offered, that is all he would take. He would ask nothing more. Perhaps it was selfish of him to harbour ulterior motives, feelings against the man, but he could not bring himself to air them, nor could he abandon the mortal. 

"I fail to see what would be risky about playing with paper, card and plastic, Stark."

Anthony smirked in response- _Norns how he loved that smirk-_

"Well, both have the reputation for being being the bane of any relationship; families, friends, lovers. All of them fall to the epic sagas that are Risk and Monopoly. Take your pick." It seemed there was a choice between imperialism or capitalism, and being significantly more familiar with the concept of invading and conquering, he chose Risk. Certainly, it seemed a step up from the Scrabble they had played last time, but only time would tell.

"I am still doubtful that this game should incite severe conflict between us; I am not so childish as to throw a tantrum over a mere game."

Again, Anthony gave _that smirk_ Loki had allowed himself to be ruined by. 

Two hours later, the sentiment had disappeared somewhat.

"For Norns sake, Stark I insist you tell me your mission! This is ridiculous! Does this inane game not end?" They had been going around in circles for the past forty-five minutes, an increasingly frustrating feat. 

Anthony spread his hands in front of him and shrugged. "Lokes, I don't know what to say. I did warn you, and you told me you wouldn't be a sore loser."

"I have not lost yet, you simply have an advantage over myself at the present time."

"Sure, sure, you're just playing a long game or some other bullshit like that. You're not a loser- yet."

Playfully, Loki slammed his palm down on the table. He supposed he could see the humour in the situation, but he would not admit this so freely. "Foolish mortal, I am a god, and you dare spite me? Know your place."

The atmosphere changed almost immediately. Anthony paled, gripped the table tightly and averted his gaze. Loki did not understand what he had done. Surely the man was much too clever to think him serious?

"Sorry, Loki, I'm gonna have to... uh... head out now. Just got a lot of... paperwork and what not... sure you're busy too..."

Oh. He did think him serious.

"Anthony-" He tried to call out, but his mortal was already gone. Rejected once again, he returned to New Asgard, good spirits deflated. 

* * *

_God fucking dammit, Tony._ He was such an imbecile. Of course he of all people would know exactly how to piss off a god, especially one he actually liked. He had gone and mocked his only reliable friend for the time being, freely advertising just how much of a selfish dick he was. Tony tried thinking over exactly what had gone wrong, but all that came to mind was the sudden anger in the god's voice, the authority it oozed and respect it commanded. It had sounded like too many _other_ voices, voices that had turned on him just as quickly. Over and over he told himself Loki was different, Loki wasn't Stane or Rodgers, but he could still feel those clever, elegant fingers wrapped around his neck, squeezing harshly and falling, falling, falling, the concrete growing larger with every beat of his racing heart. And while he knew that wasn't the Loki he knew- lov- knew now, his imagination refused to get the message. And because of it? He was hyperventilating on the arctic tiles of his bathroom instead of bantering with his friend. _Pathetic._

What was it Loki had said? 

_"Know your place."_

That he certainly did. It was here, curled up cradling liquor as though a lover, slumped against his shower built for three, alone, that he belonged.

His rational brain would have told him he was too inebriated to do anything worthwhile in his lab, but he had drowned his rational brain in amber liquid long ago. He needed to feel something beside the raw panic in his chest, hear something besides the frantic pulsing of his heart, and ignore the messages he could hear pinging on his phone. Tony could not bring himself to face the trickster's wrath. Did that make him a coward? He knew the answer, but was too afraid to even answer. 

_Pathetic._

In every sheet of metal hammered into place, so too was a piece of his self-loathing. In every line of code written, a fragment of his anxiety. In every swig of scotch, whiskey, vodka by the end, the sting and bitter aftertaste of rejection he was all too familiar with. 

He failed to notice, refused to acknowledge, the equally distressed messages being left in rapid succession on his phone.

* * *

So this would the end of their friendship. One small jest, made in poor taste and haste. How Loki wished he could take it back, reassure Anthony that if there were a superior in their companionship, it was surely the mortal for his wits and courage. But it could not be taken back, Anthony would not respond to his calls, his messages, his pleas. He did not know if the man was even reading them, perhaps he was too insulted to even dignify Loki with a suitable rejection. He supposed it was a fitting rejection, however. Discarded like the toy he was; the plaything for his betters to build up and subsequently let down. On New Asgard, he could not bring himself to leave his room. It was safety, isolation, comfort. If there was no one to entice him so, swipe his heart and twist it cruelly, perhaps his shattered soul would heal. 

Of course, that assumed it was repairable.

Discarding the tattered remains of his dignity, he reached for his gifted StarkPhone. 

_Stark, I sincerely apologise for any hurt, dishonour or pain I have caused you. I ensure you it was purely accidental, know that I would never dream of harming you intentionally. I implore you to visit New Asgard should you feel I am worthy of your forgiveness. Yours truly, L._

He knew he waited too long for those three little dots to appear, but he also knew he cared too much for the mortal to simply let him go. Though if it was what Anthony truly wished, he supposed he would have to. The dots did not come, his soul did not heal.

* * *

He knew he was a self-absorbed monster, but this had to be one of his lowest moments yet. All the texts, all the messages left for him, and yet he couldn’t respond. Couldn’t even apologise for the disgrace that he was. Too weak to even acknowledge what he was going through. To acknowledge what he felt. Self-loathing had reached an all-time high for him, now expressing itself purely through fits of violent anger or silent sobbing. He didn’t sleep, he overslept. He didn’t eat, he drank too much, trying to fill the crumbling mess which filled him. His final straw came in the form of Loki’s final text. Why was the god apologising when it was Tony’s unstable arse which had ruined it all. He felt a sudden clarity he hadn’t felt in months, a determination, motivation to fix all he had broken. It took him five minutes to assessable his suit, Monopoly box secured in a duffle bag he then carried.

All the way, he muttered his mantra.

It isn’t too late, it isn’t too late, it isn’t too-

_Pathetic_.

Never had he flown so fast, with such purpose and determination. A single-minded being, bound by its task. He couldn't cost himself this friendship. He couldn't be just another person who had hurt Loki either, even if he knew one day the god would turn on him, grow sick and tired of flawed, mortal condition. Whatever pain, betrayal, heartbreak the future held, it would be worth it just to see his trickster smile. 

Touching down on crunchy pine felt inherently right, he wasn't sure why. Boots coated in semi-melted snow, muscle memory alone guided him as he ran. 

* * *

The Void was truly huge. An infinite space between all worlds, thief of all sound, final resting place of all that ever was and will be. And he was back in it. He hated this particular dream of his most of all, it was deceptively peaceful. At first, the floating and the nothingness was bliss, a sanctuary from the noisy and aggressive world he was used to. But the longer he stayed motionless yet sinking, crying yet mute, the better he understood its true nature. The void was patient, unforgiving and unyielding. It had taken its time in breaking him before, it would take its time again. A pounding echoed in his ear, the dull thud registering as unusual in a part of his mind he couldn't access. Until he remembered the eery silence of the Void, releasing the sound was of the waking world. 

"Lokes, Lokes- I know I don't deserve to be here, let alone see you- but you sent that text and I thought it'd only be proper to come double check just in case you actually did want to see me and weren't lying to make me feel better, and I know I've been a really shitty friend-"

In an effort to end the mortal's anxious ramblings, and convince he brains that his eyes were not lying, he wrapped his arms around the shorter body as tightly as he could. In the man's ear, he softly whispered, "I do want you here, Anthony. I am extremely glad you came."

Muscled arms squeezed equally as tight in response. "I brought Monopoly," was mumbled into his chest. 

"The capitalist one?" A small nod. "You shall have to teach me to play."

After half an hour of explaining, researching and debating the rules, the pair begun playing in earnest.

"Aha! Trafalgar Square, with hotels, that's $1050!" Begrudgingly, Loki handed over the money, not without making a muffled comment regarding the man's pre-existing wealth. "Heard that one, Lokes. Unfortunately, you're in my world now, good luck betting me at my own game."

At that, Loki scowled, but quickly amended his expression; recalling with unease the last time he had displayed even the most friendly gestures of annoyance around the man.

"Anthony, I have to ask- about last time..." Anthony's eyes narrowed, but he did not comment. "What exactly was it that drove you away? If it was my 'foolish mortal' comment, please know it was a mere jest; I know you to be of commendable intelligence!"

The look of a cornered animal appeared across the inventor's face. The paper money dropped from his hand, former glee at his own success forgotten. His gaze danced across the room, hands trembling in his lap.

"I swear, I was going to tell you," he began, "I really was, I just hadn't worked out how to talk to you about it yet. It's just- well, you know I've got issues trusting people, I'm sure you can relate, and it's not that I think badly of you; more like, every time I look at you, I get so inexplicably happy. But then I go and ruin it all, too mortal, too pathetic, and compare you to Stane and Rodgers, as if they could ever measure up to you. There's just a part of me that's always waiting for you to ditch me for someone... less broken."

"Oh, my dear, sweet, mortal." For no reason he could perceive, he across the Monopoly board and joined their lips together. He meant to make it only chaste and brief, to pull back almost immediately, but Anthony held him firm in place, adding the fever and passion Loki swore he had dreamed of. They soon became entangled sporadically, a mix-match of fair and tan. When they finally released one another, blushing grins adorned both their faces.

"Truly, Anthony, you did not believe I would reject you over your anxieties of all things? Have I not told you of the dreams that haunt me all hours of the day? Your survival is simply a testament to your strength." Instinctively, he placed a kiss on the man's forehead. "Please do not feel you must hold these feelings from me ever again, my love."

Anthony simply kissed him back and gestured to the board now in complete disarray, and then to the flushed state of both their bodies.

"Shall we finish what we have started then, my love?"

It was an offer Loki could not refuse.


End file.
